If You Are Reading This, I Love You.

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Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:00:27 -0400

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Wed, 19 Jun 2013 13:01:34 -0400

tom-riddles-diary: One of my biggest pet peeves is when people judge me for the things/amount that...

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:30:08 -0400

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people judge me for the things/amount that I eat. You are a vegan? Don’t guilt me for enjoying cheese. Oh, you don’t like Spam? No need to comment a little barf-face emoji on my picture of it when I barely know you. Think I’m eating too much? You don’t need to say it.

Basically, if you judge my eating habits, I reserve the right to nitpick every detail of your life. I hate that shit.

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Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:48:47 -0400

"An eating disorder. This is not about food. This is not about looking good in a dress or wanting..."

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:47:56 -0400

“

An eating disorder.

This is not about food.

This is not about looking good in a dress or wanting to be a supermodel. This is not about wanting the cute guys to turn their heads and stare at your beauty. This is not about going to a store, sliding a size zero skirt over your hipbones, and laughing all the way to the check out counter.

This is not about wanting attention. This is not about enjoying feeling death and refusing food until you need to be force fed with a tube in an ICU. It is not about deliberately pissing off the nurses on the ED unit by hiding your clif bar and boost under your sweatshirt and stashing butter in the bed pans. It is not about selfless starving for all the children in Africa. It is not about the latest fad diet or losing the holiday weight. It is not about reading fashion magazines and pining for the Body Mass Index of Paris Hilton’s pet Chihuahua. It is not about getting a good man/woman. It is not about religion, G-d, the media or culture.

This is about having the self-esteem of an insect. This is a polite way of committing suicide. This is about having no life because it’s impossible to go out with friends to a restaurant and order a bowl of dry lettuce. This is about weighing, measuring and counting pasta, cereal, raisins and anything that passes your lips, including toothpaste. This is about secrets and lies and shame. This is about not wanting to admit that you need to eat. That you deserve to live.

This is about being scared. This is about being terrified. Of everything.

This is about control. This is about numbing away the feelings of abuse. This is about starving away the pain. This is about wanting to disappear as to not be taken advantage of again. This is about hiding under layers of clothing that are mostly black so that no one sees your womanly body. This is about non verbal communication. This is about avoiding. This is about denying the past. This is about intense self hatred.

This is about needing so much that you can’t stand it. This is about wanting to not need anything at all. This is about not wanting to be touched but afraid to be let go. This is about having emotions that bubble up and spill out and scare people away. This is about being so overwhelmed and traumatized that it’s easier to avoid everything by obsessing over the amount of calories in a grapefruit. It is about getting lost in the mirror and scale instead taking responsibility and just f*cking dealing.

This is about wanting to be safe. This is about wanting to curl up in a nutshell and ignore the big bad world that’s too noisy and dangerous and can’t be trusted. This is about not trusting anyone and relying on food (or lack of) to give you an all enveloping comfort blanket when the feelings bloat you up and make you feel fat, ugly and intolerable in your skin.

This is about really crappy coping methods. This is about a way of life you’ve known for 13 years. This is about habit and second nature. This is about making a choice that will quite possibly kill you. This is about chaotic relationships, hospitalizations, devastated families, worried friends, treatment programs, trying and failing, and more hospitalizations. This is about losing your period, failed kidneys, and hollow bones. This is about cardiac arrest at age 21. This is about being sick. This is about not being sick enough to think you need, or agree to go into, treatment. This is about being so sick that you have to be court ordered into a hospital.

This is about trying to be understood. This is about fighting with all you’ve got and more hard work than you ever imagined. This is about exhaustion and tears and needing support. This is about fighting a battle with yourself and the world. This is about trying to survive.

This is not about food.

”

- From a friend on Facebook. It was just too amazing and powerful to not share it. (via meg36)

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 22:50:23 -0400

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 17:05:05 -0400

aheartfullofspirit: Don’t let fears keep you from living....

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 03:19:30 -0400

aheartfullofspirit:

Don’t let fears keep you from living. Shatter them.

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:42:46 -0400

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:42:28 -0400

"Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you..."

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:39:30 -0400

“Eat like you love yourself.
Move like you love yourself.
Speak like you love yourself.
Act like you love yourself.”

- Tara Stiles (via sonic-rose)

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:37:21 -0400

omgzach: “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:36:44 -0400

omgzach:

“It’s always darkest before the dawn.”

laughingstation: More FUNNY POST here!

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:36:14 -0400

laughingstation:

More FUNNY POST here!

Using cream and sugar in my coffee for the first time

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:31:38 -0400

edrecoveryprobs:

(Anonymous)

ED problems: mayinever-becontent: If you’re on a meal plan, break it in a positive...

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:31:25 -0400

ED problems: mayinever-becontent: If you’re on a meal plan, break it in a positive...:

mayinever-becontent:

If you’re on a meal plan, break it in a positive way;

just the once,

and then again.

One week go longer without an appointment, just as a one-off. You might surprise yourself at how well you cope.

Write about how you remember yourself before your eating disorder,

…

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 13:02:58 -0400

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 08:53:02 -0400

drunktrophywife: If you don’t think I’m cute that’s your problem not mine

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 08:47:57 -0400

drunktrophywife:

If you don’t think I’m cute that’s your problem not mine

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 08:47:15 -0400